‘Boyfriend loves watching me bonk different males – he is lining up blokes from his work’
If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Six and out
My new boyfriend is the ultimate back seat driver.
He likes to watch me with other lovers and dictate the action. We’ve been together for six months and he’s just lined me up with the sixth bloke from his work he wants to see me romp with. I’m keen to please him but isn’t this a bit weird?
JANE SAYS: Grab your stuff and get out of there. If you didn’t sign up to this open arrangement at the start of your relationship, then you need to move on for the sake of your sexual health and mental clarity. Don’t allow yourself to be flattered, controlled or manipulated by this man. Know your own mind and know when to call it a day. This dangerous game will only end in tears. This man does not have your best interests at heart, he is selfish and scheming. Speak out to family and friends and ask for help. Don’t you dare feel ashamed because none of this is your fault and you need protection, sanctuary and security. I suspect that those who truly love you will be horrifed to hear what has been going on. Is this a police matter? Do you need to report any bullying or coercive behaviour?
Touch too much
Word has got out that my business is doing well – and folks aren’t happy.
I’m living in a great apartment and enjoying fabulous holidays. The only problem is that friends and family are I sanely jealous and expect a cut of my fortune. From cousins feeding me sob stories about sick pets to aunts and uncles begging for cash for trips abroad, I can’t move without a begging bowl being thrust in my face.
Even my ex-lovers are getting in on the act. The other day I received an email asking for £10,000. This guy and I split up in 2015, yet he wanted the money to fix up and van and go touring around Europe. He felt it would be good for his mental health. This from a man who didn’t care about my mental health when he slept with my best friend in my bed…
I said ‘no’ and he got his revenge by posting a spotty picture of me on social media. Then a guy I once owned a flat with rocked up claiming that I still owed him £6,000 from the sale of the property. I asked him to show me the relevant paperwork, and he claimed that it had been lost in a fire. In the end I was forced to waste my time by going back to the solicitor we used to prove that I didn’t owe a penny.
He then claimed I should give him the money anyway as a kind gesture. Now an ex-neighbour wants another £10,000 for a boob job and Turkey teeth because she fancies putting on sexy shows and selling her used knickers on the Internet. I’m exhausted by all of this. Why are some people so greedy? I’d like to say that my family are different, but my parents think nothing of milking me dry too.
JANE SAYS: Sadly, there are many people in this world who can’t stand to see someone they know doing well.
The jealousy and resentment cuts to the core.
That strong sense of entitlement kicks in and the grabbing hands shoots out. I strongly suggest you keep up the strategy of not giving anything to anyone. No matter how much they cry or beg…
I understand that you’re tired and fed up with being targeting by gold diggers, but you must stay strong. If you ever feel that someone is actively trying to strong arm or even blackmail you, then talk to a solicitor and discuss going to the police. Your current tormentors must understand that you won’t be held to ransom by anyone.
It’s very unfortunate that folk can’t be happy for you; that they feel entitled to a slice of your pie; but you need to protect your assets and your future.
I suggest you also speak to your parents about boundaries and limits. Explain that you don’t ever want money to come between you. Point out how hard you work and how many responsibilities you have.
Of course, you can treat your parents if you want to on special occasions, like birthdays and Christmas but set a budget and stick to it.
Have a heart
I can’t stand my bloke’s sister and her partner.
They let themselves into our flat while we’re at work. They watch our TV, shag in our bed and help themselves to our booze. The other night I got home from work, and they were naked together on the front room carpet.
My boyfriend feels sorry for them. I accuse him of encouraging them by inviting them to stay on if we order a take-away. He says that I’m cold and hard and need to have a heart. Do I?
JANE SAYS: Your boyfriend needs to be reminded that you home is your sanctuary; your place of privacy and calm. Who wants to come home from a hard day at work to find a couple writhing on the front room carpet? If your boyfriend refuses to have this out with them, then you must step up to the plate. Call a meeting and simply make it clear that this current situation can’t go on.
You’re sorry if they’re struggling to make ends meet, but boundaries are now required. If they’re underemployed then what are they doing about changing that? Are they getting all the benefits they’re entitled to? Ultimately, you are not running a safe house or a charity. By all means have them over for dinner (occasionally) but everything must be by invitation only and on your terms in future.
Circling vultures
My adult kids keep joking about putting me in a home. I don’t find this funny. I’m extremely active and my mind is pin sharp. My son lives in a huge house. However, he’s made it perfectly clear that there will never be a bedroom for me, no matter how frail I become. I find this insulting, because I’ve never asked anyone for anything.
My daughter thinks I should sell my bungalow, downsize to a flat and give her all my money. What did I do to deserve this pair of vultures?
JANE SAYS: I get the impression that your adult kids are getting above themselves. They think they can say anything they like – even things that really hurt you – and get away with it. I suggest them front them up. Tell them that you’re perfectly capable of looking after yourself and that you don’t appreciate their jibes. Ask them not to mention nursing homes or selling your beloved bungalow again, because you don’t like it, and you will fall out. The truth is that no one knows what’s going to happen in the future. Be strong and don’t take any more of their nonsense. They need to realise that you’re a force to be reckoned with.
